If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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