My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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