Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
