Your face is a jimmy john
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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