i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
