i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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