question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
