Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
