A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
