I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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