i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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