rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
