What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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