i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
