We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
