If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
That's when you crack a 10am beer
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
