bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
