You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
