Need sex. Gaining weight.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
