Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
