I think i peed on brittanys purse
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
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