If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
