sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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