Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
