I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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