But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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