just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
