what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
