New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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