you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
not ubering you a puppy
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
