I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize