Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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