bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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