just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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