Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
