Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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