would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
