let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
