I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize