we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
