are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
3 2 1 whiskey
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
