He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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