well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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