The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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