I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
