You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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