plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
