Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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