this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
