so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
