I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
