We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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