If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
