god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize