she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
