I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
