i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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