Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
