i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
