i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
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