I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
