My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
