Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
