You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
