I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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