i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
