thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
