No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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