drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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