I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
