I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
