you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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