I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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