I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
