That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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