I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
