Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
