Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
