No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Come share oat with me in your robe
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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