got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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