Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
