wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
