So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize